Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
