I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
