haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
