Apparently you make a good broom.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
