cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
