and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
