don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
no you cant smoke seaweed
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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