I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
