I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
