so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
