Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
