He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
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Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize