I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She bit a glass in half.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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