She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
