they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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