UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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