Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
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You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
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I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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