I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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