I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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