i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
