like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
