so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
