i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
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no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
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I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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