Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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