no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she smelled like a LAN party
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
