I need help removing her.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
