I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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