I love black thongs
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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