god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
