Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
