I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
