well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
