It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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