i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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