I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
