I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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