I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
