I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
