I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
