Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
