why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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