The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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