I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I need water and some morals
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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