Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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