I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
