So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
