I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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