Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
