I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
