I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Randomize
