You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
