why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
