3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
