No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
