After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
