ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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