i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
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She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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