I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Come see our sink grown plant.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize