You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
