Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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