He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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