oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
