he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
