And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
