she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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