we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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