Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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