using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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