how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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