I accidentally burped into my bong.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
