All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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