Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize